I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
