Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
