I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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