Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
