I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
