so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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