My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
