You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
