I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
