I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
