i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
and you fell through a lawn chair
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
