Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
