Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
