My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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