dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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