I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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