We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
