Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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