Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
