it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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