got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
