I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
