Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
