Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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