That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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