I like to think it a success when the cops are called
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
