it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
