Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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