I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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