I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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