your parents love me but you hate me
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
