It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
