She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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