I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Drake has all the answers
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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