I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We don't watch enough power rangers
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
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