just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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