did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
