Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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