I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
