STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
