I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
