he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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