someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Houston, we have a blender
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
