how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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