I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
