oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
