I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
