the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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