i jhust puked up my retainher.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
