i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
This baby is an asshole
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
